Ghosts: The Untapped Resource
Ghosts have one purpose: shenanigans. More ghosts exist than all of the people who have ever lived, and until now we've allowed them to roam the Earth free of charge.
WHY NOT PUT THEM TO WORK?
Ghost Express has developed a complex system for finding, capturing and redistributing these ghosts, and we're finally ready to open up our services to the public!
Your victim will receive:
1 magically-sealed package containing:
- 1 Randomly-chosen spirit from Containment Vault
- The object we used to lure & trap the ghost; usually something they have a significant attraction to.
- 1 Information Card, detailing the ghost's:
- Date of Death
- Type of ghost (Orb, poltergeist, etc)
- Mood (The ghost usually remains in this mood eternally)
- Responses to our "Like and Dislike" questioning
YOU will receive1 Email containing:
- A receipt
Q. Where do you source your ghosts?
A. Our sources vary, as we do not wish to disrupt the delicate spiritual ecosystem of any one specific location.
Q. How do you discern the various attributes of your ghosts? Why are they do abrupt?
A. We employ the tried-and-true method of using an "ouija," or "spirit board," to communicate with the ghosts. Due to this requiring a ghost to put forth an immense amount of effort and spiritual energy to move an object to the various letters on the board, simple 1-word responses are often all they can muster.
Q. How do I know an actual ghost will be delivered?
A. We guarantee that the package will contain a ghost upon being sealed at our facility, and that once sealed (with magic), the ghost will not be able to escape the package until opened (hopefully by the recipient).
Q. Is this safe?
A. We make ABSOLUTELY NO GUARANTEE OF SAFETY. Ghosts are free spirits and operate under their own free will.
Q. Will the ghost haunt the location of the recipient?
A. Maybe. Due to the free will nature of the ghost, it is their decision alone as to whether or not they'll choose to remain in the vicinity upon being released.
Q. My victim received a box that did not appear to contain a ghost! Can I get a refund?
A. 99.99% of people will receive what looks to be a "ghostless" box with just a trinket and note. However, those of the 0.01% who are attuned to the Spiritual Realm, we can sense or even see the specter that resides inside. Due to the difficulties in convincing the other 99.99% of this, and the EXTREME difficulties in recapturing the ghosts to ship back to us, we offer no refunds.
Q. My question isn't listed here. What should I do?
A. Email us at firstname.lastname@example.org